The Holiday Season Isn’t A Swap Meet

The holiday season isn’t about a swap meet.  It’s supposed to be a ‘heart’ meet, where people connect and celebrate the religious, cultural, or social significance of the season.

Focus on the Season, But Don’t Forget the Reason

Just as it is important to reflect on the reason for the season, it is equally important to focus on the reason for giving.   Many do not give ‘just for the joy of giving’, but instead give as a reciprocal duty or obligation.  Someone gives you a gift and you feel obligated to give back.  In this heartless exchange, no one wins.

When you miss the spirit of giving, little thought is put into the gift itself.  You look for a good sale where the price is reasonable and the discount is huge.  You leave on the full price sticker so that it appears that you spent more than you actually did.  The gift may even be something that the person cannot or will not value, use, or appreciate.  In some cases you may just regift something you were given that you don’t want.

Put Your Heart Into It

When the heart is not in the gift and no serious thought is taken to think about what would make the other person happy, the gift can trigger the opposite emotion.  Instead of bringing joy, it could backfire and make the receiver angry especially if they feel that their gift was more expensive or more thoughtful than the one that they received.  We can avoid a lot of this when we give for the sake of giving and realize that a gift is its own reward.  Radiance and I have a private story about this very same thing.  She went out of her way to give a friend a very generous gift and was very displeased with the gift she got in return.  To this day she calls the girl, “crappy gift giver.’

My humble advice to you, if you can’t give with the right attitude, then it’s probably better to not give at all.  After all, it is the season to be jolly and if you’re not happy, then you’ve missed the point!

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.
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23 Gifts That Cost Little or Nothing

Sometimes we forget that the best things in life are really free.  Giving doesn’t have to be about physical things.  Most of the stuff we buy breaks down, falls apart, gets old, and ceases to be useful, but the gift of sharing our time, love, encouragement, hospitality, and friendship can have a lasting impact.  Who do you know that could use a little love?  Who needs encouragement?  What friends and family could you invite over to just share memories and the moment?  Doing these kinds of things will help you to understand the real reason for the season.

Make a Gift or Give of Yourself

For years my younger children would give gifts they made in school or at home or would  offer to do things for me.  Radiance, (my 12-year old) was famous for giving a coupon book, redeemable for massages, doing dishes, or other services she was capable of rendering.  While I can’t remember all  of the gifts my son Shawn has given me over the years, I do remember the year that he took string and tape and made everyone necklaces and other ‘jewelry.’  He worked so hard on it and was so serious.  They were priceless and memorable because it came from the heart.

Talley Family Gift Giving Tip

Our family is big.  I have six children, five are adults.  When everyone had to buy  a gift for everyone else, it became very expensive.   And this didn’t include spouses and grandchildren.   Years ago I became overwhelmed with the cost of buying gifts for each one and the time required to do it.  So, for the past few years we put all of the adult names in a hat and we each draw one name.  We each then only have to buy one present.  It works for us.  And, if any family member knows that they will be bringing a special friend, they either put their friend’s name in the hat too or bring a small present for them so that they would not feel left out.  Now, I’m not saying to not give or be generous if you want to and can afford to.  But if it’s a stress and a financial burden, consider some alternatives.  There are lots of other ways to show you care that don’t cost that much.  I share 23 of them below.

23 Inexpensive Gifts

  1. Take a card or flower to a sick or shut-in, or to a friend or relative you haven’t seen or spoken to for a while.
  2. Take some cookies or cider to share with children’s teachers or neighbors.
  3. Put together a picture book or send photos to family and old friends.
  4. Write and mail a handwritten letter sharing what they mean to you and put in some cute stationary and stamps so that they write you back.
  5. Take some flowers to the hospital and give to people who have no visitors.
  6. Invite people over for a laughter night.  Have them bring funny stories, movies, or jokes to share. Take pictures in funny hats and email or send to them later as a keepsake.
  7. Give a single rose with a personal note of how they brighten your day to co-workers.
  8. Buy cute socks, belts, accessories, or dollar store gifts and put in cute little bags.
  9. Volunteer or make a contribution to a charity in someone’s name.
  10. Give a service or offer to help out in some way. (Car detailing, Grocery shopping , Babysitting)
  11. Create a cute coupon book of services you can offer.
  12. Collect old blankets to distribute to the homeless and do it with your children and create a memory of service.
  13. Purchase Movie tickets or discounted gift certificates or gift cards.
  14. Use travel points to purchase a magazine subscription for a friend or family member.
  15. Frame a meaningful quote or two.
  16. Give books to schools, hospitals, nursing homes, students, or people on a self-journey.
  17. Offer to cook for someone  or bring them their favorite dish.
  18. Purchase board games or cute journals with a nice pen.
  19. Create a CD of their favorite music.
  20. Teach a skill you have (computers, photography, cooking, sewing, braiding, home or car repair…)
  21. Invite friends and family to a game night, play bingo and give dollar store prizes to the winners.

+2 [Sharon and Charmaine responded to this post and shared such wonderful ideas that I just had to share it below.  LOVE IT!!!

22.  Our choir takes shoe boxes and wrap them and fill them with socks, gloves, hats, toothbrushes, toothpaste, lotions, goodies to eat, etc and take them to the homeless and those in transitional housing. I also pack these in plastic bags to keep in my car when I come across someone homeless at a traffic light. Sharon

23. I write letters of gratitude (something I am grateful for about them) to my family and friends and mail them along with a bracelet that I wear everyday that reads “Thank you God I am grateful”. (The bracelet can be purchased on thankyoubracelets.com. They are sold $3.00 per package of two). Someone gave this to me as a gift with a very nice letter and I have cherished it. What a wonderful idea and I have begun to do this myself.