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The Holiday Season Isn’t A Swap Meet

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The holiday season isn’t about a swap meet.  It’s supposed to be a ‘heart’ meet, where people connect and celebrate the religious, cultural, or social significance of the season.

Focus on the Season, But Don’t Forget the Reason

Just as it is important to reflect on the reason for the season, it is equally important to focus on the reason for giving.   Many do not give ‘just for the joy of giving’, but instead give as a reciprocal duty or obligation.  Someone gives you a gift and you feel obligated to give back.  In this heartless exchange, no one wins.

When you miss the spirit of giving, little thought is put into the gift itself.  You look for a good sale where the price is reasonable and the discount is huge.  You leave on the full price sticker so that it appears that you spent more than you actually did.  The gift may even be something that the person cannot or will not value, use, or appreciate.  In some cases you may just regift something you were given that you don’t want.

Put Your Heart Into It

When the heart is not in the gift and no serious thought is taken to think about what would make the other person happy, the gift can trigger the opposite emotion.  Instead of bringing joy, it could backfire and make the receiver angry especially if they feel that their gift was more expensive or more thoughtful than the one that they received.  We can avoid a lot of this when we give for the sake of giving and realize that a gift is its own reward.  Radiance and I have a private story about this very same thing.  She went out of her way to give a friend a very generous gift and was very displeased with the gift she got in return.  To this day she calls the girl, “crappy gift giver.’

My humble advice to you, if you can’t give with the right attitude, then it’s probably better to not give at all.  After all, it is the season to be jolly and if you’re not happy, then you’ve missed the point!

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.
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Give Yourself a Priceless Gift in 2012

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So while you’re running around shopping taking advantage of those After Christmas sales, don’t forget about yourself.  What meaningful gift can you give yourself?  I’m not talking about giving yourself more stuff; I’m suggesting that you give yourself something much more precious… time.   Yes, time.  Take out your 2012 calendar right now and mark off some time in it for yourself (in ink) to take care of yourself before it’s filled up with requests, demands, and promises of others.  Treat that time as sacred and consider it as a promise to yourself which you will not break!

Your Health and Sanity Is A Big Rock

Steven Covey talks about the importance of taking care of the most important first.  He uses the analogy of filling a jar with rocks and things and equates that to filling up our lives with things (some important, others not so important).  The big rocks represent the most important things in our lives that give us meaning, joy, and purpose. The small rocks, sand, and water represent the day-to-day duties, distractions, and things we spend our time on.  He suggests that if you first fill the jar up with sand, water, and small stones, then it will be hard if not impossible to get the big rocks in later.

Put the Big Rocks in First

But, if you put the big rocks in first, then the pebbles, then the sand, then the water, you’ll be able to get a lot more in the jar.  We all lead busy complicated lives and we’ve got to decide what our big rocks, pebbles, sand, and water are.  One thing is for sure, your health is a big rock.  Put it in first.  In my life management system, I discuss 10 big rocks.   They are discussed in my ‘On Track, On Fire, and On Purpose‘ book (see home page.)

Mark Off Time For Yourself Right Now!

Be proactive and take control.  Don’t wait and don’t procrastinate.  Mark off at least one day for yourself for each month.  You need at least that amount of time to rest, reflect, and recharge yourself.  Why not do it right now?  Give yourself the gift of a day to relax, plan, read, pray, meditate, walk, hike, sing, dance, visit friends, get a massage, get a pedicure, or to just play.  Relaxation and reflection are good for the mind, body, and soul.  Out of 365 days, don’t you think you deserve at least  twelve for yourself?  This gift doesn’t cost you anything but does  show how much you value yourself!  And when you are refreshed and feel valued, you are happier, make better decisions, and are more productive.

Block of 1 Hour a Day

Now, if you really love yourself, set some goals for prayer, meditation, exercising, transforming your health, developing your talents and hobbies, and for a restful vacation.  Still have your calendar out?  Well, mark off a 3-hour block each week for planning and one hour each day for reflection.    Consider your scheduled time as a promise and honor it.

You Can’t Live on Purpose by Accident

So now you’re on a roll.  Schedule some meaningful time with your family or significant other and share the joy.  We all want lives of meaning and purpose, but you can’t live on purpose by accident.  You’ve got to plan for it. Once you get in the habit of planning, you’ll want to make sure you’ve put in the big rocks in for your mind, body, soul, service to others, career, money, home, family, hobbies, and  relationships.  And when you begin to see the importance of all of these, you’ll have no time to waste on insignificant things.  Self awareness, self control, and self actualization, now that would be priceless!

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, check out my promo sheet or visit  my website.

23 Gifts That Cost Little or Nothing

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Sometimes we forget that the best things in life are really free.  Giving doesn’t have to be about physical things.  Most of the stuff we buy breaks down, falls apart, gets old, and ceases to be useful, but the gift of sharing our time, love, encouragement, hospitality, and friendship can have a lasting impact.  Who do you know that could use a little love?  Who needs encouragement?  What friends and family could you invite over to just share memories and the moment?  Doing these kinds of things will help you to understand the real reason for the season.

Make a Gift or Give of Yourself

For years my younger children would give gifts they made in school or at home or would  offer to do things for me.  Radiance, (my 12-year old) was famous for giving a coupon book, redeemable for massages, doing dishes, or other services she was capable of rendering.  While I can’t remember all  of the gifts my son Shawn has given me over the years, I do remember the year that he took string and tape and made everyone necklaces and other ‘jewelry.’  He worked so hard on it and was so serious.  They were priceless and memorable because it came from the heart.

Talley Family Gift Giving Tip

Our family is big.  I have six children, five are adults.  When everyone had to buy  a gift for everyone else, it became very expensive.   And this didn’t include spouses and grandchildren.   Years ago I became overwhelmed with the cost of buying gifts for each one and the time required to do it.  So, for the past few years we put all of the adult names in a hat and we each draw one name.  We each then only have to buy one present.  It works for us.  And, if any family member knows that they will be bringing a special friend, they either put their friend’s name in the hat too or bring a small present for them so that they would not feel left out.  Now, I’m not saying to not give or be generous if you want to and can afford to.  But if it’s a stress and a financial burden, consider some alternatives.  There are lots of other ways to show you care that don’t cost that much.  I share 23 of them below.

23 Inexpensive Gifts

  1. Take a card or flower to a sick or shut-in, or to a friend or relative you haven’t seen or spoken to for a while.
  2. Take some cookies or cider to share with children’s teachers or neighbors.
  3. Put together a picture book or send photos to family and old friends.
  4. Write and mail a handwritten letter sharing what they mean to you and put in some cute stationary and stamps so that they write you back.
  5. Take some flowers to the hospital and give to people who have no visitors.
  6. Invite people over for a laughter night.  Have them bring funny stories, movies, or jokes to share. Take pictures in funny hats and email or send to them later as a keepsake.
  7. Give a single rose with a personal note of how they brighten your day to co-workers.
  8. Buy cute socks, belts, accessories, or dollar store gifts and put in cute little bags.
  9. Volunteer or make a contribution to a charity in someone’s name.
  10. Give a service or offer to help out in some way. (Car detailing, Grocery shopping , Babysitting)
  11. Create a cute coupon book of services you can offer.
  12. Collect old blankets to distribute to the homeless and do it with your children and create a memory of service.
  13. Purchase Movie tickets or discounted gift certificates or gift cards.
  14. Use travel points to purchase a magazine subscription for a friend or family member.
  15. Frame a meaningful quote or two.
  16. Give books to schools, hospitals, nursing homes, students, or people on a self-journey.
  17. Offer to cook for someone  or bring them their favorite dish.
  18. Purchase board games or cute journals with a nice pen.
  19. Create a CD of their favorite music.
  20. Teach a skill you have (computers, photography, cooking, sewing, braiding, home or car repair…)
  21. Invite friends and family to a game night, play bingo and give dollar store prizes to the winners.

+2 [Sharon and Charmaine responded to this post and shared such wonderful ideas that I just had to share it below.  LOVE IT!!!

22.  Our choir takes shoe boxes and wrap them and fill them with socks, gloves, hats, toothbrushes, toothpaste, lotions, goodies to eat, etc and take them to the homeless and those in transitional housing. I also pack these in plastic bags to keep in my car when I come across someone homeless at a traffic light. Sharon

23. I write letters of gratitude (something I am grateful for about them) to my family and friends and mail them along with a bracelet that I wear everyday that reads “Thank you God I am grateful”. (The bracelet can be purchased on thankyoubracelets.com. They are sold $3.00 per package of two). Someone gave this to me as a gift with a very nice letter and I have cherished it. What a wonderful idea and I have begun to do this myself.

21 Life Lessons by Barbara S. Talley

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Anyone that knows my story knows that I have lived a life full of challenges and tests.   So, that only means that I have learned a lot of lessons and have managed to consistently make lemonade out of the lemons.  Fortunately, I love lemonade!  Three of my favorite spiritual quotes on facing challenges are: “The tree most pruned bears the best fruit. “You can’t have a testimony without tests.” And, “I give thee tests because I desire to exalt your station.” I didn’t write those quotes, but I sure can relate to them.  The first I believe is biblical or inspired by biblical principles.  The second I heard from a friend who heard it from someone else.  The last quote is paraphrasing a quote from the Bahai Faith.

Below I am sharing my ‘21 Life Lessons ‘ which I was inspired to do by Erma Bombeck, who shared her life lessons after she learned that she was dying from cancer.  She died in 1996.  I decided to not wait until my deathbed to reflect on my lessons.  Perhaps you will be inspired to do the same.

21 Things I’d Do Differently, If I knew then what I know now…

  1. I would have spent more time developing my talents.  I would have learned to draw, written sooner, published sooner, and spent more time listening to my spirit than to others.
  2. I wouldn’t have stopped singing just because someone told me that I couldn’t sing.
  3. I would have waited to be intimate with someone who loved God, my spirit, and soul more than my body.  I’d have wished that I’d learned sooner the difference between “I love you” and “I lust you.”
  4. I would have stayed home with all my kids when they were under five and loved every moment and made do with less stuff.
  5. I would have insisted on knowing all of my children’s friends and been the mom that had everyone over.
  6. I would have given or thrown away all the stuff I hadn’t used in a year and not allow clutter in my sacred space.  I’d have made my home a ‘fortress for well-being’ instead a warehouse full of useless stuff.
  7. I would have lived a much simpler life and only purchased things that I needed instead of anything that I wanted. I’d have spent less and saved more so that I’d have the money to visit my grandchildren whenever I wanted.  I wouldn’t buy anything that I couldn’t afford.
  8. I would have more dinner parties and time with my friends and not put it off for another work project.
  9. I’d have taken more time to nurture the relationships between my sisters, cousins, and dear friends.  I’ve also have gotten to know my aunts, uncles, and grandmother while they were alive.
  10. I’d have judged less and loved more unconditionally.
  11. I’d have complimented my husband more and helped him to reach his dreams.  I’d have shown him more gratitude for the little things and his belief in me.
  12. I’d have listened to my father’s story and written it down so I could benefit from the lessons when I became his age.  I’d also have written my story as it was happening.
  13. I would have excelled in nutrition and health.  I’d never have stopped running since I loved it.  I’d have exercised more, learned sooner about vitamins, minerals, proteins, vaccines,  and pro-biotics,  and would have done yoga and pilates sooner and religiously.
  14. I’d have hired an interior decorator to make my home beautiful instead of buying a luxury car.
  15. I would have been less trusting of what people said and relied more on what they actually did.
  16. I would never have told a lie, gossiped about another person, or said anything unkind.
  17. I would have respected myself more and not allowed others to make me feel ashamed of myself.
  18. I’d have been kinder to my stepmother and perhaps she would have been able to heal and find love in her heart sooner for me.
  19. Although I did well in school, I would have strived for perfection since I had the capacity.  I would have stayed in school and gotten a PhD before I had kids.
  20. I’d have brushed more, flossed more, and eaten less junk food as a kid and young adult.
  21. I would never have stopped playing.

The good news about my list is that some of them I can still do!

The previous is an excerpt from my book, ‘The Great-Full Heart Challenge’ due out in 2011.  Barbara Talley is a keynote speaker, author, poet, and trainer who can be reached at www.thepoetspeaks.com.

A Cute Story on Being Grateful During Change

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The author of the following story on gratitude is anonymous.  Someone forwarded it to me in an email some time ago.  I loved the spirit of gratitude in it, so I saved it.  Now I get to pass it on to someone who needs a little more inspiration, a laugh, or a new perspective.

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. “Well,” she said, “I think I’ll braid my hair today.”  So she did and she  had a wonderful day.

 
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. “H-M-M,” she said, “I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.”  So she did and she had a grand day.

 
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one  hair on her head. “Well,” she said, “today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.”  So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head. “YEA!” she exclaimed, “I don’t have to fix my hair  today!”

 
Attitude is everything.
Have a Good Day!
Be kinder than necessary,
for  everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly…….
Leave the rest to God.