Category Archives: Change and Personal Empowerment

What Message Does Hair Communicate?

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Hair

Hair

There’s so much talk about loving what God gave us when it comes to hair and then there is reality. I just Googled ‘hair’ and clicked on images, and browsed through 150 pictures before seeing a picture of a model with natural black hair on page 6. Rihanna was on page three with straightened hair. Finally on page 8 there were several, I paused to reflect on the imagery of the photos and the placement.  How many people click through 8 pages of searches?  The image to the left, is ” no comment.”  The image to the right which was next to it shows someone looking annoyed at her hair.  What message is this sending.  I think she looks beautiful.

Weaving and Dreading

I know, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  But media influences perceptions.  Also on the page was a picture of a black woman selling weave hair with a caption that really reinforced the negative media perceptions of black folks. You’ll have to search for it yourself.  Type in “hair’ and go to page eight and while you’re at it, type in “dreads” and tell me what you think of the images portrayed.  I have my own opinion, but I’d love to hear yours.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Love Your Natural + Resources for “Going Natural”

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This post is primarily aimed at those who’ve gone natural or dreaded their hair.  What kinds of responses did (or do) to get from others?  Have you noticed a difference?  I’ve heard the comments.  My nephew was discouraged or at most “tolerated” for wanting to dread his hair.  Fortunately he had a mother who wore dreads and she supported his desire to wear his hear however he wanted it.  But, what’s up with those that discouraged him? Most said that it was because they wanted to protect him from the racism he would experience.  I don’t doubt that that is a valid premise, but how much do we need to give up to be accepted?  And if we are only accepted by changing ourselves, are we really being accepted?   Most cultures can get up, get in the shower, wash and shake their hair, and go.

Who Needs to Accept, Us or Them?

I know that twenty and thirty years ago I straightened my hair to fit in.  That’s what the women around me did and so did I.  A funny thing happened though a couple of years ago, I cut my hair for a photo shoot and decided to not relax it anymore.  After the relaxed hair grew out and was cut off, I found my own natural texture and I “loved it.”  Now I can blow dry it straight when I want a different look and wear natural when I want to. To think I was putting those toxic chemicals on my scalp for years and didn’t even need to.  And, as I got older, I was adding dye too when I could have used a natural henna.  I had done it so long that I didn’t realize the world had changed but I hadn’t, for people that were not of African American heritage actually liked my hair and commented more positively than “my own peeps.”

Resources for Going Natural

I also remember feeling very weird and out of place at an African American event at Howard University when most people were natural and at the time my hair was relaxed.  One of the presenters actually made a comment about us people with “fried hair.”  Fortunately, now we have more support if we wish to go natural, from sites like Naturally Curly, Carol’s Daughter, Curly Nikki , and Uncle Funky’s Daughter. I know in the past I relaxed my hair and my daughters’ hair because it was easier to maintain.  We probably were also subconsciously programmed to think that we “looked better too”.  Now we’ve got resources to help with the transition if we choose that route.  But, the goal is to love yourself and feel free enough to choose your way of expressing yourself without judgement.  Well that’s our food for thought for today.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Race and Hair: Do You Wear Your Hair Natural?

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Appreciating Our Natural Hair

I am so happy to soon be witnessing a beautiful example of unity in diversity as demonstrated in my niece’s upcoming nuptials.   I was heartened by the unique respect for diversity that she and her fiance both live and breathe.  He is Indian and Hindu; she is Christian and African-American.  Yes, this is the same couple that is donating their wedding gifts to charity.  So it’s not their diversity alone that make them special, but their character.  I sat in awe at a recent dinner as my niece’s fiance expressed his knowledge of the plight of African American’s in history, his love for the natural texture of my niece’s hair, and his love and respect for both my niece and sister.

He was the one she explained that encouraged her to “go back natural.” She commented that while “going natural” that she had more challenges with people from within our own culture than from the outside.

What Does Hair Mean to You?

Last month I spoke to an audience in Florida at an event organized by 100 Concerned Black Women and the topic of hair came up.  My co-presenter Iris Cooper had cut off her hair and a lady in the audience who self reportedly had worn wigs most of her life challenged why she did it.  The next day the older lady came to a followup session dawning her own hair.  She recounted how freeing it was.  She somehow had felt she needed validation, permission, and acceptance to free herself.  She explained how all her life she was called ugly because of her short hair.  And, now there is another trend, cutting off our hair that we’ve taken so long to grow and  letting go of what “long hair” means.  How do you feel about cutting your hair off?   It appears that we’ve still got a lot of work to do before we get to the point that we realize that we don’t all have to look the same and can see our own naturalness as beautiful.  What does your hair mean to you? Does it represent beauty, culture, image, or identity.  Is it your crown or crowning glory?  Please comment and share “your hair story.”

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Memorial Day: Honoring, Respecting, and Valuing ALL Life

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How can we befittingly pay tribute to those we wish to memorialize?

I think we best honor the dead when we truly appreciate, respect, and value ALL LIFE!  Perhaps we can all agree on the universal benefit of focusing on the value of all human life, whether it is a fetus or elderly, able or disabled, black or white, rich or poor, homeless or decadently housed, on foreign or American soil, whether Christian or Moslem, Buddhist or Bahá’í, gay or straight, male or female, employed or unemployed, sick or healthy, or famous or ordinary.   Diverse people remember, honor, and celebrate the dead in different ways.  Some somberly mourn their losses in rituals and visits to cemeteries, while others celebrate the life of the deceased by focusing on and valuing and appreciating the lives of the deceased.   What can you learn from the lives of those who are now on the other side of the sod?  What do you choose to remember?

Memorial Day offers an opportunity and  occasion to:

1. Stop and reflect on the value of every human life.

2. Examine the roles we individually and collectively play to make a difference during our own brief sojourn here.

3. Remember what is worth remembering about those who have passed on.

The ones we memorialize may be military, ancestors, friends, family members, religious figures, or someone totally unrelated, but whose lives and deaths have contributed positively to our understanding, opportunities, and freedoms.   It is an opportunity to learn from the past so that our lives will be more meaningful.

A lot of lives have been silenced in our history because of their diversity or beliefs and in the recent earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, and wars. The suffering and pain continue long after the media has turned its attention to the next disaster or sensation.  Let’s not forget them.  What can you do to ease the suffering, change a life, and raise the esteem of the hopeless?  Remember, it is better to light one candle than to continually curse the darkness.  This memorial day, who will you light a candle for?

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Memorial Day: Befittingly Remembering

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 Who has passed on in your history, in the past few years, or even since the last Memorial Day?

Memorial Day is not only a time to remember deaths, but more importantly a time for us to remember the lives and contributions of those that have served, sacrificed, or meaningfully touched our lives and passed on.

If you truly valued the life of someone now departed, stop right now, write down their names, say a prayer for them, and REMEMBER them befittingly. What lessons can be savored, internalized, and used as a guide to make us better humans, employees, friends, spouses, students, neighbors, citizens, parents, children, and stewards of this beautiful planet?

Take a lesson from Sharon Parker of ROASA, Remembering Our Ancestors Synergistic Association who pulled together a local community to repair a leaking roof on the home of an elderly couple’s home or Judith Clark of Women Who Care Ministries whose non-profit brings together young and old volunteers who stand out in the scorching hot sun or freezing snow to collect food to feed hungry children.  And, remember those who are not traditionally remembered.  Remember the Buffalo Soldiers and women who have served our country.

Wikipedia defines a memorial as, “an object which serves as a focus for memory of something, usually a person (who has died) or an event.”  The key words for me are “a focus for memory of something.”Let’s reflect on the old adage, “If we don’t learn from the past, we are condemned to repeat it!”   Let’s not forget the true meaning of the day.  Part 3: Honoring Respecting, and Valuing ALL Life

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.