Category Archives: Culture

Courtesy Inside and Outside of the Cubicle

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“What’s that smell?”  “I can’t hear myself think!” “Can you turn that down?”  “Did someone take my red stapler?”  “My lunch is missing?”  “What’s that green stuff in the refrigerator?”   “Oh My! Please put your shoes back on!”

There are some things that just can’t be ignored when we are in close quarters if we want a productive and harmonious work environment. Unfortunately most people don’t have the luxury of a private office and of having all their co-coworkers be considerate.  Whether its’ out of ignorance, social style, or culture, some actions bring productivity to a grinding halt.

What can we do?

How do you tell someone that their food, breath, or body has an offensive odor, or that their music or conversations are too loud, distasteful, or distracting without causing more contention and hurt feelings?  I’ve heard stories where people have had others take their lunch out of the refrigerator and eat it, stood over them while they were having a personal conversation, and spoke to them in an unprofessional manner.  Some leave a mess in common areas and make it unsanitary and uncomfortable to eat or meet there.

Do You Have A Cubicle or Workplace Story to Share?

Have you ever had to work closely with others and found it to be a challenge?  I’m working on a course dealing with cubicle courtesy and would like to hear some of your cubicle stories and how you solved them if you did.  Meanwhile enjoy the resources I’ve pulled together for you below.

  1. Rules for Cubicle Courtesy– Career Builders- (10Tips_
  2. Workplace Etiquette (Sound, Scent, and Sight) – (10 Tips)
  3. Cubicle Courtesy– By Chelsea Benham- (21 Tips)
  4. Workplace Ethics-Common Sense and Courtesy Aren’t So Common– Brian Carr (8 Tips)
  5. Take This Quiz:  Do You Know Workplace Courtesy? – Job Journal Archive
  6. Courtesy in the Workplace–  (25 tips)
  7. Office Manners– (over 40 tips)
  8. Seven Workplace  Etiquette Tips to Build Teams– Rachel Wagner
  9. Showing Respect at Work (3 Basic Tips)
  10. Taming Workplace Incivility – Multiple Tips

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

A Beautiful Example of Unity in Diversity

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This whole conversation on hair began at a dinner when my niece’s fiancee shared how he preferred her natural hair over the relaxed version.  The both of them are a beautiful example of unity in diversity.  It’s so beautiful when someone sees your true beauty and encourages you to be yourself.  I don’t know about you, but if two young lawyers from Georgetown have managed to overcome cultural barriers to instead see the love within another, are respecting each others diversity, giving their wedding gifts to charity, and using their talents for the betterment of humanity, then I say our future is bright.

My future nephew already calls me “Aunt Barbara” and my sister “Mom”.  He shared how he intended to teach their future children about their culture and my niece commented that he knew even more than she did about African-American history.  My niece is a beaming bright light in her own right, kind, generous, outgoing, and radiant with a mature and balanced sense of self.  She and her fiance are in the midst of planning for their September wedding which will have two ceremonies to honor both of their backgrounds.  They shared the Hindi wedding tradition of the couple “giving gifts” to the aunts and asked if I would like a saree or sari.   Of course I said, “Yes!”  I am so excited about the merging of our families and the merging of our cultures.

Unity in Diversity

Some things changed while others stay the same.  For example in marrying my niece he had to break from the Indian tradition of “arranged marriages,” but will keep the tradition of the grandparents playing a big role in the rearing of the children.  In fact his parents shared how they were willing to move wherever the couple settles to be there to take care of the grandchildren.  And, they are not doing it out of a sense of duty and tradition, but one of love, service, and family unity.  Now that’s a lesson in diversity that I hope catches on!

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

A Candid Talk About Our Hair, Identity, and Respect

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Years ago while doing a Diversity training, one of the participants remarked, “If you’d worn that yesterday, I wouldn’t have heard a word you said.” This comment was in response to a simple African hat I was wearing.  I know if I’d actually worn my hair naturally I would have had a greater challenge doing my Diversity work.  I love my hair because black hair is the most versatile hair in the world.  You can braid it, twist it, blow it out, straighten it, curl it, and even dread it.  But we haven’t always had the best products available if we want to keep it natural.   And so, we’ve been dreading how to handle our hair long before Chris Rock’s movie about “Good Hair.”

What does hair mean in this society?  What is considered “good hair” and beautiful, long or short, blond or dark, or straight or curly.  Culturally and historically, what messages have been subconsciously ingrained in us that drive our current views and choices?  Personally I feel badly knowing what I know now about the dangerous chemicals that were in the relaxers that I put onto my daughters’ heads when they were younger. I’ve since learned that the products marketed for young black girls was some of the worst on the market, even if they touted words like “organic.”  To my defense,  I did so under duress and pressure as my husband heard their painful cries as I tried to comb through their thick hair.  They’d be screaming at the top of their lungs, “You’re hurting me,” with tears streaming down their little faces.  It wasn’t a pretty site and it was a horrible experience for them.  Sure it looked good after I finished, but the pain wasn’t worth the gain.  I gave in and I have to admit, it made life easier.  I straightened their hair so that I would not cause them that much pain and to make life easier for me. I am so happy that there are now so many products out there to help us manage our hair. Now, they are used to long straight hair because that’s what they’ve grown up with and who wants to fight their hair every day?

  1. Do you wear your hair natural?
  2. Do you love your natural hair?  Why or Why Not?
  3. Are you treated differently or feel differently if you wear your hair natural?
  4. Who do you get the most positive feedback from?
  5. What about the worse feedback, who does it come from?
  6. How do you feel about natural hair?
  7. What about dreads, how do you feel about them on yourself or others?
  8. What about black people dye their hair blond?
  9. What about other cultures getting dreads?
  10. Tell me what you think about hair?

This concludes our series on hair.  I think it’s great that our hair is so versatile that we can choose a style that fits our desired image.  I can twist mine one day, wear an Afro the next, and have it straight on the third day if I want.  The important thing is to choose what makes you feel the best and not to please others or to “fit in” as many in my generation tried to do.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

What Message Does Hair Communicate?

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Hair

Hair

There’s so much talk about loving what God gave us when it comes to hair and then there is reality. I just Googled ‘hair’ and clicked on images, and browsed through 150 pictures before seeing a picture of a model with natural black hair on page 6. Rihanna was on page three with straightened hair. Finally on page 8 there were several, I paused to reflect on the imagery of the photos and the placement.  How many people click through 8 pages of searches?  The image to the left, is ” no comment.”  The image to the right which was next to it shows someone looking annoyed at her hair.  What message is this sending.  I think she looks beautiful.

Weaving and Dreading

I know, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  But media influences perceptions.  Also on the page was a picture of a black woman selling weave hair with a caption that really reinforced the negative media perceptions of black folks. You’ll have to search for it yourself.  Type in “hair’ and go to page eight and while you’re at it, type in “dreads” and tell me what you think of the images portrayed.  I have my own opinion, but I’d love to hear yours.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Love Your Natural + Resources for “Going Natural”

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This post is primarily aimed at those who’ve gone natural or dreaded their hair.  What kinds of responses did (or do) to get from others?  Have you noticed a difference?  I’ve heard the comments.  My nephew was discouraged or at most “tolerated” for wanting to dread his hair.  Fortunately he had a mother who wore dreads and she supported his desire to wear his hear however he wanted it.  But, what’s up with those that discouraged him? Most said that it was because they wanted to protect him from the racism he would experience.  I don’t doubt that that is a valid premise, but how much do we need to give up to be accepted?  And if we are only accepted by changing ourselves, are we really being accepted?   Most cultures can get up, get in the shower, wash and shake their hair, and go.

Who Needs to Accept, Us or Them?

I know that twenty and thirty years ago I straightened my hair to fit in.  That’s what the women around me did and so did I.  A funny thing happened though a couple of years ago, I cut my hair for a photo shoot and decided to not relax it anymore.  After the relaxed hair grew out and was cut off, I found my own natural texture and I “loved it.”  Now I can blow dry it straight when I want a different look and wear natural when I want to. To think I was putting those toxic chemicals on my scalp for years and didn’t even need to.  And, as I got older, I was adding dye too when I could have used a natural henna.  I had done it so long that I didn’t realize the world had changed but I hadn’t, for people that were not of African American heritage actually liked my hair and commented more positively than “my own peeps.”

Resources for Going Natural

I also remember feeling very weird and out of place at an African American event at Howard University when most people were natural and at the time my hair was relaxed.  One of the presenters actually made a comment about us people with “fried hair.”  Fortunately, now we have more support if we wish to go natural, from sites like Naturally Curly, Carol’s Daughter, Curly Nikki , and Uncle Funky’s Daughter. I know in the past I relaxed my hair and my daughters’ hair because it was easier to maintain.  We probably were also subconsciously programmed to think that we “looked better too”.  Now we’ve got resources to help with the transition if we choose that route.  But, the goal is to love yourself and feel free enough to choose your way of expressing yourself without judgement.  Well that’s our food for thought for today.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.