Category Archives: Self-Help

Only Requests and Promises Produce Action

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(Part 1 of article)

I had some choices; I could waste time regretting losing the opportunity for that last meeting I’d canceled.  I could feel remorse for even thinking about changing the meeting again.  But, in honoring Vaughn, I made a promise in the future to keep my commitments.  I wanted to say, “Try,” but Vaughn didn’t like the word, “Try.”  He said that we spend most of our lives making declarations and assertions.  He believed that neither of these produced action.  Only action produces change.  He taught that it is only through requests and promises that we change, produce, or make a difference.

Acknowledge Yourself and Others

Vaughn challenged us to acknowledge those people in our lives that matter everyday, to spend a couple of minutes looking into their eyes and letting them know how much they mean to us.  He even encouraged us to acknowledge our own selves while we were looking into another person’s eyes.  “Eyes are the windows to the soul,” Right?  Vaughn promised that we would make remarkable changes in our lives if we would also look into the other person’s eyes and let them be our mirror.  While looking in another person’s eyes, we are to acknowledge our own selves, saying what was affirming, real, and loving.  My friend Vaughn, was so organized and productive that he had his life planned out for the next 20 years.  He wanted to live to be 140.  I don’t think he made it to age sixty.  But his influence can live for 140 years.

Like Vaughn,  your influence can also last 140 years if you learn to look for the good in the next person you meet and tell them the beauty you see in them.  And, if you want to really transform the world, make it a habit.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

You Can Live Until 140

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Vaughn’s Lessons on Life

Today in my, ‘Time Management is Self Management’ class I shared an exercise I’d learned from my friend Vaughn.  It made me think about our last encounter.  A couple of years ago I awoke with a plate full of responsibilities, all important.  I was preparing for travel, two presentations, and was in the middle of a home move having lived in that home almost 30 years.  I also had made a lunch appointment with a friend which I was contemplating rescheduling, except for the fact that I had changed our appointment the week before.  I didn’t want to change it again because I really valued the relationship and the service my friend was providing to me.  You see, my friend Vaughn was consulting with me, mentoring me, sharing his vast expertise and knowledge with me.  We’d met three weeks prior and then decided that we would meet weekly. After attending one of Vaughn’s workshops, I decided I could learn a lot from him. Additionally, he was only going to be in the area for another three months and was planning to leave the metro area for the next twenty years.  He was a master at productivity and I wanted to learn from him.

Different Outcomes Require Different Input

I have realized of late that if we are to become different we must receive different input.  My friends, I realized, were either at the same level of professional development as I, or not as developed.  Yes, we supported each other on our journeys, but we were pretty much dealing with the same struggles.  I realized that I needed to consult and collaborate with someone who had accomplished what I was attempting to accomplish.  When I posed the question to Vaughn, he responded surprisingly, “So you think that I am more developed than you?”   “Yes,” I responded, “in certain areas.”  “You’ve got financial success.  You’ve made millions.  I want to know how you did that.”  He agreed to work with me and commented how much he had admired me also.

So we made an appointment for the next week.  We met at a little restaurant in Vienna Virginia.  I arrived about twenty minutes early and went in and got seated.  He arrived at about 12:55 for our one o’clock appointment.  Seeing me already seated, he responded with, “I must be late!”  We chatted for approximately an hour.  He gave me some homework and scheduled our next appointment for April 13th.  I called the next day and rescheduled it for April 20th realizing that my daughter’s Spring break was on the 13th.  So our appointment was for a week later than it was originally scheduled.    But, I’m was also preparing to travel to North Carolina in two days  back then.  Feeling overwhelmed, I decided to call Vaughn to consult about whether to keep the appointment or not.

The day of our rescheduled appointment came.  Normally he would call the day before to confirm.  But this time I realized he hadn’t.  So I called his number, but surprisingly the number was disconnected.  That was strange, I thought.  So I checked the internet from a previous email to verify the number.  The number was right.  But, there was another friend who had sent an email out to a listserv we both belonged to who was also looking for a contact number for Vaughn.    I called her; she informed me that Vaughn had suddenly died the previous week.  If I hadn’t canceled our meeting the week before, we’d have had one last meeting.  I learned a lot  from him and would like to share a few of those lessons I learned from him with you.  Continue article ‘Only Requests and Promises Produce Action’.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Don’t Put It Off!

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My mouth dropped open.  I was speechless.  I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing over the phone.  I was thinking about rescheduling my lunch appointment for the second time, but now I was the one being canceled.   I’d rescheduled our lunch from the previous week to the following week thinking it would be better, but it wasn’t.  After all, it was only one week.  The decision was perplexing me so I decided to just call my friend, explain the situation, and we would make the decision together.   But, now it is too late.  The woman on the phone was telling me that my lunch companion had died suddenly the day after our canceled lunch.  This happened over a year ago but I remember it as if it were yesterday.  I would never see my friend again and that opportunity would now be loss forever.  I couldn’t help but think about how precious time was, and that the only time we really have is now.  It is only in the current moment that we can count on and live.  This incident brings new meaning to the saying, “Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today.”

What’s the Lesson?

I had to ask myself, “What is the lesson I am to learn from this?”  In every situation it is important to learn the lesson, otherwise our tests are repeated.  Upon reflection I realized the importance of not taking anything or anyone for granted.  I learned that what we do in the moment creates our past and helps us to realize the futures we dream of.  The past is gone and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.  I needed to focus on that statement, “Tomorrow is not promised.”  All we really have is here and now.

So, what are putting off right now, that really should be done today?  Better still, if you knew you wouldn’t have tomorrow, “What would you be doing differently today?”  What would happen if you really lived like there would be no tomorrow.  What would change?

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Women’s Rights: Declaration of Sentiments

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Opening Lines of the Declaration:

“When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one portion of the family of man to assume among the people of the earth a position different from that which they have hitherto occupied, but one to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes that impel them to such a course. “

A few sentiments:

  • He has never permitted her to exercise her inalienable right to the elective franchise.
  • He has compelled her to submit to laws, in the formation of which she had no voice.
  • He has withheld from her rights which are given to the most ignorant and degraded men – both natives and foreigners.
  • Having deprived her of this first right as a citizen, the elective franchise, thereby leaving her without representation in the halls of legislation, he has oppressed her on all sides.
  • He has made her, if married, in the eye of the law, civilly dead.
  • He has taken from her all right in property, even to the wages she earns.
  • He has endeavored, in every way that he could to destroy her confidence in her own powers, to lessen her self-respect, and to make her willing to lead a dependent and abject life.

The closing lines of the Declaration:

“ Now, in view of this entire disfranchisement of one-half the people of this country, their social and religious degradation—in view of the unjust laws above mentioned, and because women do feel themselves aggrieved, oppressed, and fraudulently deprived of their most sacred rights, we insist that they have immediate admission to all the rights and privileges which belong to them as citizens of these United States.

In entering upon the great work before us, we anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule; but we shall use every instrumentality within our power to effect our object. We shall employ agents, circulate tracts, petition the State and national Legislatures, and endeavor to enlist the pulpit and the press in our behalf. We hope this Convention will be followed by a series of Conventions, embracing every part of the country.

Click to read the entire Declaration of Sentiments at Wikipedia.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

This Is Your Sign to GO!

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go after your dreamsOn the crowded highway of life, you’ll get run over if you just stand still on the freeway. Sure you can move off onto the shoulder where the disabled cars are, but you can’t stay there forever and expect to reach your desired destination. If you stay on the shoulder too long, you’ll get ticketed, towed, or vandalized.

And, so it is in life. You’ve got to keep moving to keep growing, for to stop growing is to die.   I’m not saying to not take time to pray, meditate, plan, and be guided. That’s should be a habit.  I’ve pulled off on the shoulder of the highway of life many times to regroup and get my reference points clear, but then you’ve got to get back in the driver’s seat and get moving.  Don’t worry about how far off your destination is.  Don’t spend time worrying about how you will get there or what detours or roadblocks you might encounter.  Just have faith and get moving.   Do not despise your humble beginnings or small steps.  Remember, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” or in our analogy, one mile.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.