Category Archives: Change and Personal Empowerment

Seize the Merry and Miserable Moments

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Whether your current moment is merry or miserable, you must let go of it if you are to move on to the next.   The miserable moments are only that when we label them that way. The merry moments are only that way because we decided that they were.  This morning I was reflecting on last December and the changes that have occurred since last year this time.  There have been so many.  For one, there were people in my life last year that are gone this year.  Last year at this time, we were mourning my nephew’s tragic and untimely demise at age 32.  Everyone was wishing that they’d spent more time with him and said and done things to let him know how much he was loved.  This year it is my step-mother who passed in July. She lived to be 85-years old.  This morning I was reflecting on how she did not spend the holidays with us last year.  There were many reasons, but mainly our collective somber mood and the weather.  Little did I know that we would not have another opportunity.

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” -C.S. Lewis

While there has been significant loss, at the same time there has been significant gain.  I am not the same person I was last year. Last year this time there was a fear and hopelessness that has now been replaced by faith and expectation.  I have new relationships, new opportunities, and a new sense of valuing life’s little moments.  I am better, mainly because I chose to be better.  I know from my more than a half century of living that we must seize every moment.  We don’t love, laugh, and enrich the world in the past or the present, we do it ONLY in the current moment.  So seize it.

“It’s not life’s big planned events that make the big difference, it is the simple, intimate, and sometimes spontaneous things we do for each other.” Barbara Talley

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.
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Change Is Part of The Master Plan

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It is December, the time of holiday spirits, year-end reflections, and the anticipation or regret of the approaching winter weather. If there is one thing that I know for sure, it is that things WILL change.  All you have to do is open your eyes to see change all around you.  There is new construction where once there were trees or abandoned property. Houses once filled with familiar voices and laughter are now empty or new occupants have staked their claims. The trees which once were spectacularly clothed by nature now stand naked and barren, while simple houses are lit and dressed in their best holiday finery.  Even relationships that we had last year have perhaps changed, some for the better, others for the worse.  And if we are fortunate, we too will  have changed! Remember, it’s not the strongest or wisest that survive, but the one most adaptable to change.

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” -George Bernard Shaw

“Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived… You can do anything you choose to do.” –Maya Angelou

Change is part of the master plan and is inevitable.    Life will happen, with or without our permission, engagement, or opinion. Our only choice is to decide whether we will grow from the change or not AND whether we will drive the change or let it drive us.  You  can fight it, shape it, or embrace it.  So, why not decide to grow, to improve, to be happier, to be financially secure, to become smarter, to become more virtuous and loving, and to make your mark and make a difference.

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Expectations Impact Results

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It doesn’t cost any more to dream a big powerful dream than it does to dream a small insignificant one. I perceived last year as challenging and it was extremely challenging.  I decided that this year would be better and it most definitely was.  I got to go to LA for a screen test, joined the Capital Speakers Club, got many new clients, published a new book, was nominated for Mother of the Year, and still made time for myself and the people in my life.  Get the connection?  Expectations impact results.  So, knowing how the universe works, next year I am claiming and expecting the best year of my life.   What about you?  Do you dare dream a bigger dream or are you so paralyzed by the collective fears of the nation that you feel that dreaming big is futile?

“We tend to live up to our expectations.”  Earl Nightingale

“We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aid, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn.”  Henry David Thoreau

Check out my previous article on the power of expectations and emotions for more on the power of expectations.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

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Give Yourself a Priceless Gift in 2012

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So while you’re running around shopping taking advantage of those Christmas sales, don’t forget about yourself.  What meaningful gift can you give yourself?  I’m not talking about giving yourself more stuff; I’m suggesting that you give yourself something much more precious… time.   Yes, time.  Take out your 2012 calendar right now and mark off some time in it for yourself (in ink) to take care of yourself before it’s filled up with requests, demands, and promises of others.  Treat that time as sacred and consider it as a promise to yourself which you will not break!

Your Health and Sanity Are Big Rocks

Steven Covey talks about the importance of taking care of the most important first.  He uses the analogy of filling a jar with rocks and things and equates that to filling up our lives with things (some important, others not so important).  The big rocks represent the most important things in our lives that give us meaning, joy, and purpose. The small rocks, sand, and water represent the day-to-day duties, distractions, and things we spend our time on.  He suggests that if you first fill the jar up with sand, water, and small stones, then it will be hard if not impossible to get the big rocks in later.

Put the Big Rocks in First

But, if you put the big rocks in first, then the pebbles, then the sand, then the water, you’ll be able to get a lot more in the jar.  We all lead busy complicated lives and we’ve got to decide what our big rocks, pebbles, sand, and water are.  One thing is for sure, your health is a big rock.  Put it in first.  In my life management system, I discuss 10 big rocks.   They are discussed in my ‘On Track, On Fire, and On Purpose‘ book 

Mark Off Time For Yourself Right Now!

Be proactive and take control.  Don’t wait and don’t procrastinate.  Mark off at least one day for yourself for each month.  You need at least that amount of time to rest, reflect, and recharge yourself.  Why not do it right now?  Give yourself the gift of a day to relax, plan, read, pray, meditate, walk, hike, sing, dance, visit friends, get a massage, get a pedicure, or to just play.  Relaxation and reflection are good for the mind, body, and soul.  Out of 365 days, don’t you think you deserve at least  twelve for yourself?  This gift doesn’t cost you anything but does  show how much you value yourself!  And when you are refreshed and feel valued, you are happier, make better decisions, and are more productive.

Block of 1 Hour a Day

Now, if you really love yourself, set some goals for prayer, meditation, exercising, transforming your health, developing your talents and hobbies, and for a restful vacation.  Still have your calendar out?  Well, mark off a 3-hour block each week for planning and one hour each day for reflection.    Consider your scheduled time as a promise and honor it.

You Can’t Live on Purpose by Accident

So now you’re on a roll.  Schedule some meaningful time with your family or significant other and share the joy.  We all want lives of meaning and purpose, but you can’t live on purpose by accident.  You’ve got to plan for it. Once you get in the habit of planning, you’ll want to make sure you’ve put in the big rocks in for your mind, body, soul, service to others, career, money, home, family, hobbies, and  relationships.  And when you begin to see the importance of all of these, you’ll have no time to waste on insignificant things.  Self awareness, self control, and self actualization, now that would be priceless!

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, check out my promo sheet or visit  my website.

First- Protect The Children

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What I learned at last month’s Congressional Black Caucus’s Braintrusts and Issue Forums:

Everyone deserves a quality education, but a quality early childhood education is not available to all children.  Clearly the odds are not in favor for poor children.  Budgets are being cut despite  the decades of research affirming without a doubt that early childhood educational programs like Head-start can give at-risk children the chance the succeed.

Other Daunting Facts:

Ten thousand black and brown children are imprisoned every day.  “The annual cost of detention can average around $50,000 per minor while most community-based programs cost less than one-fourth that amount.”  “Research shows that incarcerating youth does not make us safer—in fact, it undermines public safety. Detention often propels a youth in a direction that leads to behaviors responsible for the recidivism rates of 50% to 80% for incarcerated youth. ”

The Rebecca Project states: “There are now between 100,000 and 300,000 adolescents in the American sex trade market, most between 12 and 14.” We continue to punish those who have already been punished by society.

A flyer distributed by the Campaign for the Fair Sentencing of Youth: Racial Inequality in Youth Sentencing‘ and their website offered these facts:

  1. “In schools, youth of color are more likely to be expelled or suspended, but there is no evidence that they misbehave more than their white counterparts.”
  2. “They are, however, punished more severely, often for behaviors that are less serious.”
  3.  “45% of all incarcerated youth are African American even though they only make up 17% of the population.”
  4. “The United States is the only country in the world where a person under the age of 18 can be sentenced to a life without parole. “
  5.  “Youth crime rates have dropped steadily since the 1990s, yet rates of incarcerating youth have increased.
  6. “According to the Coalition for Juvenile Justice, the number of youth held in pre-trial detention has increased 72% since the early 1990s.”
  7. “African American youth are 10 times more likely than their white peers to be sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.  This is just one example of disparities in sentencing: a 2001 Journal of Law and Economics empirical study of sentencing in federal courts found that, on average, African Americans of all ages are given sentences twice as long as whites.”

Congressman Scott representing Virginia’s 3rd District has introduced the Youth Promise Act as a solution.  I’ll discuss his and other successful projects you can support in an upcoming post.