Category Archives: Self-Help

Be Prepared for Emotional Hijackings!

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An emotional hijacking occurs when we find that our joy is being controlled by others.

FAITHGIRLBeware of Potential Emotional Hijacks

My number one tip for today and every day is to, “Get prayed up!” BEFORE you face your day because you never know what life will greet you with. Some days are just perfect and everyone makes joyful positive deposits into your emotional account. Other days, it’s like an unrelenting torrential downpour of other people’s distracting, destructive, or draining energy. Each of us has some of our own internal negative chatter going on and that’s natural.  But, when our own fears, worries, and doubts intertwine with the barrage of negative input and sorrow that’s everywhere, an emotional hijacking can occur quickly.  The problem is that when this happens we are no longer in full control. We lose much of our power, perspective, and feeling of self-control temporarily much to our own detriment. Emotional control is critical if we are to make the most  of our days and the most out of our lives.

I’m a motivator by choice, chance, and career.  And, even I find it hard to maintain that joyful inspiring energy some days.  But in everything there is a lesson to be learned and I am determined to learn it and to share it. I’ve been pondering lately the amount of energy it takes to keep myself and others motivated especially during the trying times that so many people are experiencing. We can’t bottle joy and drink it when we need it, but we can find in on our knees (in silence) and in exciting goals and purposeful work.

And, That’s What We Call Life.

Life presents us daily with new lessons. We can’t control the tests and difficulties, but we do chose the lab in which to learn the lessons that we were each put here to learn. It may be through our jobs, our relationships, or other pursuits. Our ultimate job,  journey, and mission is to do what we must to stay our own course despite what occurs around us. Things will always occur and distract and drain our power if we let them.  At the same time, there are ALWAYS positive empowering people, messages, and energy all around. We just need to recognize when it is happening and learn how to redirect our focus more quickly on input that fuels us and makes us stronger!  Truly what we focus on multiplies in our lives, so we must be careful to keep our own emotional tank full. This is even more critical when we are the one that people tend to call on when their emotional tanks are low or empty.

G+E+T

I share my personal formula for success often. G+E+T!  And today I had to remind myself of it. Yes, it’s a given that we must goals (G) and time (T) to achieve those goals, but equally important and perhaps more important is the E (emotional energy) that jump starts us into action and keeps us moving in the direction we choose. Prayer, meditation, sunlight, empowering people and messages, and joy and laughter fuel me and keep my emotional tank full. Negativity, complaining, stressful competitiveness, judgmental people, injustice, insensitivity, selfishness, and unkindness drain me.  You and I have to recognize what fills our tanks and  that which drains it, so that we do not run out of energy in this journey we call life.

Emotions get us INTO motion and KEEP us in motion.  They even have the power to thwart our intended motion and render us impotent or in a state of lethargy.  We are always in motion, either going towards that which we want or drifting or remaining stuck with that which we don’t want). And, be clear,  we do it both in our minds and bodies.  In conclusion, just remember that you are in charge and do what you must to keep your emotional tank full so that you have the energy you need when you need it to help yourself and others! Emotional hijacking affect us must less when our tanks are full, so “get prayed up” and “stay “prayed up!”

Barbara

Wake Up!

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Each sunrise is a gift. http://www.barbaratalley.me

Each sunrise is a gift. http://www.barbaratalley.me

SO, JUST WAKE UP ALREADY!

You can’t wake anyone else up if you are asleep yourself. Signs of being awakened are love, kindness, appreciation, gratitude, and joyousness.  Complaining, backbiting, and pointing out other people’s shortcomings are signs that we too are not fully awakened to your reality and power.  Awakened people understand that the thoughts we hold take hold of us, and so we consciously choose to live in a positive state.  Awakened people realize that negative displays don’t make things better, they just waste their valuable time and energy.  Sadly, most of humanity is asleep to their identity, power, connectedness, responsibility and capacity.  Most think we are just a higher version of the animals destined by some unknown fate. We are so much more!  If only we could see our own nobility and power and that of others, we’d instead focus on educating, encouraging, and envisioning a better future for us all.

When people know better, they do better.

It is irrational to expect people to make changes when they are still asleep and unaware of their power. Mindfulness, alertness, and self awareness are essential gifts that are available to everyone. Unfortunately, so many people are mentally asleep, unaware of their gifts and powers, or are too busy scurrying about to notice the magnificent blessings all around us.  Life itself is a blessing!  Awareness is a blessing!  To have the power to create or re-create reality is a blessing.

We have to train ourselves to be in the NOW, to be aware of the present moment, and to notice what is happening right now.  The majority lives in the past or the present, and so few live in the present.  And the  irony is, CREATION ONLY OCCURS IN THE CURRENT MOMENT! If we want to change our circumstances, we can only do it in the current moment.  But to change, we must be present in the current moment.  Just start noticing and appreciating more and you will become more aware.  You  can train yourself to become more aware by beginning to habitually notice a simple sunrise.

The sunrise is just the beginning of the gifts that the aware will notice throughout their day. The Creator paints the sky each morning and evening with a fresh picture and in beautiful breathtaking colors to remind us that we too are creators and that we are loved and valued.  With each step we take during the day we can learn to appreciate the ability to move.  With each sound we hear during the day we can be grateful for our hearing.  With each smile we give and receive we can be thankful for our ability to touch others and feel their warmth and love.  With each thought we choose, we can be thankful for our ability to create new realities.  Haven’t we been taught that the reality of man is his thought?   With each word utter we can be mindful of its power to influence and we can willing choose the words that encourage others instead of those that depress or sadden them.  We can mindfully choose to spread hope and joy instead of fear and doubt.  As humans, we must always remember that we have a choice, AND that’s what makes us human.  But, with this choice and OUR innumerable blessings come great responsibility.  We are here to grow, mirror the qualities of God,  and make things better.  Today is a wonderful new day and it’s ours to do as we wish.  I’m determined to make mine magnificent, you can too?

A Simple Thank You Can’t Hurt

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Screen Shot 2012-12-23 at 7.44.59 PMCan you imagine working 24/7 for someone their entire life and never getting a simple ‘Thank you’.

And, when you do hear something, it’s a complaint? I’ve heard many people complain about their knees, their back, their head, or their stomach. But, when was the last time you THANKED your body.We are intelligent beings and every cell in our body has intelligence. Every cell in our body responds to love, appreciation, and gratitude from the outside and inside. So today, say thank you to your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, immune system, feet, brain, circulatory system, respiratory system, muscular system,  nervous system, etc.

We know our minds have intelligence but have you ever really thought about the intelligence of your body?  Bruce Lipton in an interview made a profound point.  He said something to the effect (I’m paraphrasing) that our immune system is our physical body’s intelligent history.  It remembers what makes us sick or well and creates responses  (allergies) when we come into contact with those things in the future.  You are a super intelligent being and every cell in your body has memory.  It remembers what it feels like to be valued, appreciated, and well and also what it feels like to be unappreciated, devalued, and sick.  It responds to your thoughts of fear and worry. (We call it stress!) It also responds to faith, appreciation, and good thoughts.  Depak Chopra wrote in his book, Ageless Body- Timeless Mind, that our cells are constantly eavesdropping on our thoughts.  That being the case, let’s follow the advice of our wise old sages when it comes to our internal communication as well, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything.”  Your body works hard for you 24/7, show it a little more kindness and you might see some miraculous changes in your health.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out my promo sheet or visit  my website.

RGIII – The Newest Member of the NBC (Not Black enough Club)

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Screen Shot 2012-12-14 at 8.28.02 PMESPN Commenter Parker made the remark that Robert Griffin (RGIII) wasn’t black enough and the Stuff#*@ hit the fan. As a celebrity, he’s now a proud member of the “Black, but Not Black Enough Club” joining the likes of POTUS Obama, Tiger Woods, Clarence Thomas, and OJ Simpson.  Comments flew from outraged people from both sides of the fence;  some  were agitated that ESPN would censor the black commenter from speaking his mind and others incensed that we’re still talking race in 2012.  Robert Parker called out Griffin on the air, asking: ”Is he a brother, or is he a cornball brother?” Some of Parker’s rationale for calling RGIII “NOT black enough” was his engagement to a white woman, talk of him being a Republican, and that he was “not real.” One African-American person commenting on the ordeal on www.yourblackworld.com responded:

“Being Black is a matter of political reality that affects and is affected by the words, deeds, actions, and experiences of other black people. That being said, EVERY black person that is a part of that experience has a right to an opinion. That includes “how black” somebody else is or isn’t based on how they conduct themselves, what they say, and what they are about. Ali understood this. Jim Brown understood this. Hell even Doug Williams understood this.” 

In closing, the conversation may begin with the question “What is Black Enough?” But, personally, I don’t think that is the right question to ask.  We need some honest education, engagement, and intelligent conversations around this emotionally charged issue of race.  It has become intertwined with culture, nationality, and ethnicity.  As a society, we pretend racism doesn’t exist.  Some even block it out all together. I’ve been told, “I don’t see your color.”  But, my color is part of me although it doesn’t define me. Let me explain it this way.  If I were a red rose in a vase of white roses, my color would be a beautiful attribute of my identity and I would be contributing to the beauty of the bouquet by being noticed.  First and foremost, I’d still be a rose, equal to all the other roses and not some other minor specie. The key is to get to the point where we recognize color but don’t judge by it.  I’ll sum it up in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who dealt with race and identity on a daily basis, but still understood the most important criteria for identifying a person was by their character.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”  Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Christopher Peterson after addressing this issue about character in Psychology Today  sums it up with: “Perhaps Dr. King’s dream would be realized if we choose to look at actual people and not the demographic groups in which we so conveniently and carelessly place them. Good one, Christopher!  While many might assert that this is a “non issue,” apparently it is a an issue and a big one for millions. A quick google search came up with the following hits in less than a minute:  817,000,000 results (0.32 seconds)  on the term “Black Enough”,  7,510,000 results (0.42 seconds) on the term “Black Enough Griffin” and  255,000,000 results (0.46 seconds)  on the term “Black Enough Obama.”  Hundreds of millions of people are searching, thinking, and interested in this term.  So I ask you three questions, 1) “What does it mean to be black enough?” 2) “Who gets to define what black is? And, 3) “How, where, and with whom do we address the question of race once and for all? (Please comment!)

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out my promo sheet or visit  my website.

Don’t Just Sit There!

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Zig Ziglar wrote: “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there!” 

track- get movingIf we’re not moving, we need to figure out why! I’ve realized that I can’t do my best if I was not at my best.  No matter how talented you are, you too can’t do your best if you are not at your best!  Things can’t be alright if you are not right. We can’t give or attract what we don’t have.  Fortunately, we are resilient beings.  Through prayer, meditation, reflection, fasting, and journaling, I’ve learned to work my way back to “my normal.”  My goal is not to be like anyone else, but to be the best me.   I am now more confident than ever that we can have anything we want in this life, if we want the right things, are willing to do what’s right to get them, and have the will to work for whatever we want right now.  We also need to have the right people in our lives.

Doing the Right Things

What do you want out of this life?  Are your goals lofty or lowly, prideful or purposeful, serving others or self-serving, mediocre or meaningful?  Working harder won’t get you closer to your bliss, if you are not on the right path. The goal is not necessarily the gold, but to have golden relationships, golden memories, and a life full of golden and meaningful service and accomplishments.  I truly want to make a difference, but I also have financial needs.  My challenge was (and still is) to find the right balance.  I can’t tell you how many times people contact me wanting me to speak for free, even though this is how I earn a living.  No one would ask a doctor, lawyer, restaurant owner, or even a public servant to work for free.  I learned that although my heart was willing to give it away, I had to set boundaries.  I also had to really plan my time well.  I had to ask myself regularly, “Am I doing the right things that will move me closer to reaching my goals?  Am I being truly productive or merely confusing activity with accomplishment?” Once I set the right balance and the right boundaries, it gave me time to focus on the right things.

Doing What’s Right

Fortunately, my moral compass has been set on the right course for quite some time.  I attribute this to a regular spiritual routine of prayer, reflection, and meditation and a genuine desire to “do what is right.”  This was probably the most perplexing to me during my dark moments because I truly felt I was doing the right things, so why were things not turning out right for me?  I realized that just because they weren’t turning out the way I’d planned, didn’t mean that they hadn’t turned out right way or the way there were supposed to in the grand scheme of things.  If I was praying for guidance and being guided, perhaps the challenges were a way teaching me a lesson I needed to learn, making me stronger, or just simply redirecting my course.  I had to have faith and just let go.  So, if you are facing challenges, ask yourself first, “Am I doing what is right?”   And if you can honestly say that you are living a life of integrity, making moral choices, and honest in your interactions with others, just stay the course.  If, however, you have gotten off your moral track, then simply, get back on.

Doing What We Must Right Now

The third challenge is to make sure that we are doing something now and not procrastinating.  Remember, “A body in motion stays in motion.” Sometimes we know what we should be doing, but allow things of a lesser value to take precedence.  If we want to live on purpose, we must get our priorities straight.  To do this, we must set value-based goals, have a plan, and then work that plan.  This requires saying ‘no’ to people, things, and opportunities so that we can stay on track.  We can’t be everything to everybody and still do the work that we were uniquely put on this earth to do.   And in the end, we will be responsible for getting our work done; no excuses will be allowed.  Sometimes the window of opportunity is open for just a short time.  If we don’t act, we lose that opportunity and have to wait for it to open again if ever.  I have a strong belief that we make our own opportunities.  I personally don’t wait for them to happen; I meditate, come up with a plan, collaborate with others, and create my own opportunities.  As co-creators in creation, we have the power through our thoughts, deeds, and actions to manifest the kind of life we choose for ourselves.   Every thought has the potential to manifest as reality, but only if we do the right thing, the right way, and do it RIGHT NOW!

The Right People

“No man or woman is an island.”  We don’t stand alone; we are all connected.  That being said, we still must choose carefully the people in our lives.  Some people are there for a reason, others, a season, and a few are lifers.  We must accept this fact.  We sometimes outgrow our relationships.  Sometimes we need new fresh relationships to stimulate new growth, perspectives, and possibilities.  Sometimes the people in our lives that we care the most about cause us the most anxiety and grief.   I had to let go of a long time relationship with a friend who hurt me very badly during a time that I was most vulnerable.  It hurt me a lot because I was not prepared for it and it caught me off guard.  I’ve been taught to, “Make new friends, but keep the old because one is silver and the other is gold.”  Well, I’ve learned that silver can tarnish and gold can rust.  Relationships have to be two-way, giving and taking.  I’ll leave it at that.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.