Category Archives: Change and Personal Empowerment

12 Ways to Overcome the FEAR of Entrepreneurship (Part 1)

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Today I was asked by Mark  S. on Facebook, “How did you do it, Barb?”  This was referring to how to not be afraid to start a business.  I started to respond, with an instant answer, something like “just have faith,” but decided to instead reflect on it a bit.  In 2011, I will celebrate 24 years of being in business.  In this series I share twelve  tips on how to not be afraid to go into business.  The first four are: Facing Fear, Having A Compelling Why?, Opportunity, and Timing.

  1. To Fear or Not to Fear Is Not the Deciding Factor:  I started my business in 1987 and I can’t honestly say that I was not afraid back then for I’m sure that I was.   But, what I can say is, if you are afraid, DO IT ANYWAY! You will be afraid sometimes; that’s life.  The only way to overcome fear is to face it. If you allow all of those negative “What If” questions to take hold, you’ll never go into business.    Sometimes that fear is cathartic, other times it’s cancerous.  If it points out essential knowledge, skills, and resources you need, acknowledge it and then figure out how to get what you need.Our decisions are either FEAR-based or FAITH-based, one excites you the other paralyzes you.  But in the end, fear is only a thought.  And, you have to consciously focus on that thought in order for it to derail you.  So don’t focus on what you fear!  If you want to start a business, you have a lot to be thinking about, the name, the business structure, the product, the team, the marketing (benefits), the money, the audience, the delivery method etc.  Once you decide you have something viable to offer, focus on that and you’ll have very little time left over to just worry.
  2. Must Have A Compelling Why?– You must start by asking yourself the question, “Why do I want to go into business?” The answer to that question must be compelling enough to carry you through the fear, the doubt, the naysayers, the frustration, and the despair that you will probably experience at some time.  My “WHY” was that I wanted to work at home, to be able to guide and protect my kids.  My older son had gotten into drugs in high school even though my husband and I came home every day from work and was with him.  We didn’t understand or notice the subtle changes of a teen, and being our first teen, shrugged it off as just “teenage puberty.”  At that time, I had another teen son, and after the birth of my first daughter I made a goal to figure out a way to work from home. I didn’t know how I was going to do it at that time.  In retrospect, none of that really mattered anyway.  The universe takes care of ‘how’ for committed faithful people.    I just had to DECIDE to do it and set a goal.  If you’ve got something that the world needs, share it! My compelling ‘WHY’ was to save my kids and I didn’t want them to be latch-key kids.  My “WHY” kept me going through the fear.
  3. Seize the Opportunity and Just Do It!= There will never be a perfect time to go into business.  Although I had set a 6-year goal to go into business, I actually accomplished it within a couple of years.  I had to decide to do it and then start doing it. I’d like to say I had a great plan, but I didn’t at first.  Some read a book about how to drive and then drive.  Others, like myself watch other people and then just do it.  I learned how to be in business by “just jumping in.  It was “sink or swim,” so I learned how to swim.  Now if you’ve got the option to dip your feet in the water, by all means, do that if that will ease your fear.  Now, I’ve found that only serious wholehearted and unlimited faith, hard work, and tenacity will keep you going, but first you’ve got to get going.
  4. Don’t Wait for the Perfect Time– There never will be a perfect time.  And, it was not the perfect time for me either.  I was 7 months pregnant, laid off from my job, had a teen on drugs,  had no money to start a business, and within a couple of months I would be giving birth to my 5th child.  But, I didn’t allow excuses into the equation;  I focused on my ‘WHY.”  I had to act like I was in business.  So I started telling folks, setting up my office, and preparing myself.  Word, got around and I got some business and was “in business.

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, check out my promo sheet or visit  my website.

7 Lessons from Four Funerals

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In this season of Thanksgiving and gift giving, when tensions are high and budgets are strained, and food, family, and shopping are on everyone’s mind, I’d like to offer a new perspective for the season, and ultimately for life. Attending four funerals in less than three months teaches you a thing or two about life, if you’re alert and listening.  Let’s learn from those who we have transitioned to the other side and not get side-tracked from what really matters in this fleeting earthly life.  Seven lessons follow:

  1. Spend time with people in ways that bring them joy and happiness. It is a less expensive and ultimately a more lasting gift.
  2. Give those you care about flowers while they can still see and smell them. Flowers don’t have to be physical flowers either.  Give your heart, your love, your time, your attention, your encouragement, and your kindness.
  3. Don’t say things that you may later regret. You’re familiar with the old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything.” There is some good in every single person.  Make it a priority to find that goodness and focus only on it.
  4. Reach out to family and friends. Pick up the phone, write, or visit people.  When you think about them, make an effort to connect with them.  Do what you can to bring your own family closer and let people know how much you care about them.  My son Shawn says that Lil Larry was our family’s Facebook before the internet facebook.  He kept in touch with everyone.
  5. Forgive each other and unite. Create rituals that keep the family unit connected. Ms. Frances called her sisters and children every day just to see how they were and to tell them she loved them.
  6. Say kind words while others can still hear them. At the funeral of Frances Coley, several people commented that they had NEVER heard her say an unkind word about anyone.  Can you say this?    It’s admirable to speak kindly of the dead, but it’s even more meaningful to say nice things of the living.  To be able to speak at all is a divine gift that only we humans have.  So use your words responsibly for they are powerful.
  7. Really care about other people. Be gentle with them and really listen to them.  Jacquelyn Lefton was one of those people who seemed to see your very soul when you were in her presence.  She always spoke softly and gently and looked you right in the eyes and nodded with each word.  You felt like she really heard you and that she fully understood what you were saying.  But more than this, you left her presence feeling like she really cared about you.  Remember, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care!”

And finally, remember you can’t attach a U-Haul to a Hearse.  All you take with you and all you leave with others is confined to the heart.

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, visit:  www.thepoetspeaks.com

Give Thanks for the People in Your Life

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Thanksgiving 2010, the Talley family had a different kind of celebration.  Instead of food being the focus, our thoughts were on giving thanks for the people still in our lives and for the life of a very special nephew, Larry Daniel Talley. Lil Larry was killed after being thrown from a motorcycle just a few blocks from his home.  The graphic tribute below was created by his loving niece Indiah.

Ironically, he was taking a final spin before selling his bike that afternoon, but tragically it turned out to be his “final spin.”  And, at the age of 33, he was laid to rest on Friday, November 26, 2010, surrounded by an outpouring of love rarely experienced while one is still alive.

Make Everyone Feel Special

How was he able to attract over 600 people (some say almost 1000 with those who came and left) from around the country to his funeral in less than five days?  I think, probably because everyone who knew him felt his love for them.  He made everyone he knew feel special.  When you were around him, you knew you mattered to him. We affectionately called him ‘Lil Larry,’ but there was nothing little about him, he always had “big tales to tell, a big smile, a big laugh, and an even bigger heart.   He took the time to regularly connect with everyone, family, friends, and strangers alike.  Nothing was more important to him than family, he loved his family, and we knew it.

Don’t Wait to Show You Care

Why do we wait to let people know how much they mean to us until it is too late?  In the funeral service held for Mrs. Frances Barnes two months prior, the choir sang a song that left a lasting impression on me.  The lyrics, “Give me flowers while I can still see them; say kind words to me while I can still hear them,” still ring in my ears because of their profundity.  I learned similarly profound lessons from the lives or deaths of  Lil Larry, Mrs. Frances Coley, and Mrs. Jacquelyn Lefton.  Reflecting on ‘what we remember’ when a loved one passes on offers important lessons for this life and how we should live.  What will people remember about you?  [View a video tribute of  my nephew Lil Larry’s  life]

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, visit:  www.thepoetspeaks.com

3. WIN: Redefine What Winning Means

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Who Says Winning or Losing Are the Only Two Options?

In this dichotomous society we give the adventurous only two choices, win or lose.  That means, to win, someone has to lose.  No one likes to lose, so the majority just refuse to play at all and relegate themselves to the mundane, certain, boring, and less challenging pursuits in life.   But you don’t have to play by those rules.

Write Your Own Rules

Define or redefine, or be defined! Write your own definition and rules!  After all you have free will.  You have choice.  You are responsible for you!  Some rules are advantageous to follow, but some are self-limiting.  If the old rules are working for you, keep following them.  If not, CHANGE them!  I refuse to see myself as a loser!  I choose to approach every new opportunity (race) as a new path to unlimited potential possibilities.  I define anyone with enough faith in themselves to pursue their dreams or a challenging opportunity as already a winner!  I define winning as any pursuits that open me up to new possibilities, (different ideas, new opportunities, new ways of thinking and being, diverse people, or new paradigms.)   Now with that definition, I will always win and win big!

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, visit:  www.thepoetspeaks.com

2. WIN: Improve on Your Own Personal Best.

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Practice Makes Perfect

In the old definition of winning, we have to define a target to compete against and overtake that person in order to feel like we’ve won.  What kind of world is that?   Why can’t we just compete against our own personal best?  The answer is, we can! No one starts off  ‘perfect‘ so that doesn’t matter so much.  Just  go ahead and start because it is true that ‘practice  makes perfect.’  You’ve got to start somewhere.  Why not focus your energies on being the best you, doing the best you can, enjoying the ride, and competing only against  your own personal best record.   Strive everyday to “be better” than you were and you will continually grow.  And if constant and steady improvement is not winning, I don’t know what is.

Focus Your Energies on Being Your Best

Why not decide right now to go after whatever it is you truly want that brings real meaning into your life and not worry about who is ahead of you or behind you?  The more races I run, the more worn the paths will become and the easier and faster subsequent races will be. What if your goal were to become a little better every single day?  Wouldn’t that be a lot less stressful, contentious, and conflicting?  So get in the race to improve yourself and ignore the naysayers on the sidelines.  And remember, “You’re winning as long as you are in the race.”

I’m Barbara Talley, The Poet who speaks and inspires.   To find more about me, visit:  www.thepoetspeaks.com