Category Archives: Self-Help

Choice Words Change Lives

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Choosing to be nicer not only makes us attractive to others, but it also makes us more productive, healthier, and stronger.  Experts like Losada, Emoto, and Hawkins advocate the importance of being in the positive  or nice zone.  At work, Losada teaches that we need at least 3 (actually 2.97) positive interactions to one negative interaction to be productive.  Masuru Emoto, in ‘Hidden Messages in Water’ proves in his research that our cellular structures are actually changed by the words we use and the thoughts we think.  And finally David Hawkins in ‘Power versus Force’ teaches that there is a different energy frequency associated with our words and emotions.  The “nicer” words and qualities give us power, while the nastier qualities make us weaker.   It could even save your marriage!  Gottman’s research discovered that couples who had a ratio of five or more positive interactions to one negative interaction stayed together after his 10-year research while other marriages were in trouble.

Nice Matters

You can change your life by changing your words, nice matters.  We can all improve; to get started carry around a notebook the next few days and take note of how kind your words are.  Are they forgiving or intolerant?  Are they judgmental or complimentary? Do they uplift or dishearten?  Do they encourage or dampen the other person’s spirit?  In short, do your words soothe and inspire the soul of the person hearing them?  Also notice the reactions to your words.  Are they smiling or frowning?  Are they happy or sad?  In closing, we’ll get more of our needs met by being nice and we’ll also like that person in the mirror a whole lot more.  With so many things that are out of our control, isn’t it heartwarming to know that some things still are?

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Are Your Words More Like Honey Or Acid?

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Why do you think our wisest teachers have taught us, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything?”

Before you answer, think about the people you trust, admire, and respect the most.  Are their words nice and sweet like honey or caustic and bitter like acid?  All humans have a natural intrinsic need to connect, to be liked, to be accepted, and more importantly, to be needed and valued.  One of the quickest ways to make that connection is by using nice (kind, pleasant, and polite) words in our speech.

It is through our words that we connect or divide and it is that connectedness that makes us truly human and attractive.

The question each of us must answer is, “Are we more likely to get our needs met being nasty or nice?” Our humanity is demonstrated through our compassion, sympathy, and kindness to one another, for there is an emotional component attached to our words which is communicated non-verbally.  One of the most powerful gifts that a human being possesses is speech. Each syllable and sound is infused with potential meaning and influence.  That is why we must always choose our words so carefully.  Unless we are being disingenuous, our emotions will also match our words and vice versa.  Nice people tend to say nice things; nasty people are likely to say nasty things.  You can’t completely separate who you really are from what comes out of your mouth.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Seven Good Reasons to Laugh More

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Did you know that a hearty laugh can leave your body relaxed for up to 45 minutes?  Or that laughter boosts your immune system for up to three days?  Everyone feels good when they laugh, so why don’t we do it more. Laughter releases endorphins that change your mood for the better.   I was cleaning out some old files and came across an anonymous funny quip that someone sent me in 2006.  It made me smile so I decided to share it with you to pay it forward.   In this article, see if you can find at least seven reasons to laugh more.

“Dear Lord, So far today,  I’m –doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.  I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.  I have charged nothing to my credit card. But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think I will really need your help then.”  Anonymous

“Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy, ” writes Melinda Smith, M.A., Gina Kemp, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, in their article ‘Laughter is the Best Medicine.’   Also, read about eight ways to improve stress through laughter at  About.com.  There are probably people in your life who also make you laugh.  Thank them because through laughter they are helping you to protect your heart, increase pain resistance, and help your marriage or other relationships.  Now I’d like you to pay it forward.  If you’ve got a funny story or link that will make us laugh, please comment and share below.

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.

Honor Your Sight and Insight

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When you can’t see, it makes you realize how important sight is.  I probably wouldn’t have even been thinking about my sight this morning had I not misplaced my glasses.  Now I am thinking how grateful I am to be able to see (even if I need glasses for reading.)  Sight is such a wonderful gift.  I’m now thinking about how many other wonderful things are before me that I’ve taken for granted and not expressly been thankful for.

Fortunately I located my glasses before long, but the lesson was still strikingly clear.

Sight is an extremely gift.

We must honor it,  protect it, appreciate it, and make use of it. It is through sight that we learn new things, acknowledge what is before us, and connect with our world.  And while sight is critical, insight is just as important.  We must learn to connect with those things that physical sight can not see.  Insight is being able to envision things, that is, to imagine, dream, and create new realities.  Each of us has marvelous powers that can not only transform our individual worlds, but also has the power to change and recreate the world around us.  Both our physical sight and insight require our focused attention and dramatically affect the quality of our lives.  We have to take the time to focus our sight because where our sight goes, our thoughts go.  Where our thoughts go, our attention, emotions, and energy goes.  And our emotional state and where we focus of our attention and energy determines what manifests in our lives.   We’ve got to take the time to see, reflect, imagine, and create the life of our dreams.  You have the power, use it!  Remember sight is a gift, honor it!

Be Thankful for Your Sight

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This morning when I awoke as my brain was transitioning to the theta brain wave state, I starting thinking about all the things I had to be grateful for.  First of all I was grateful that I had a morning that I could just sleep in late, with no deadlines and stresses on the immediate horizon.  I thanked God for my family, my home, my children, and so on.  I thought about my step-mom who had recently passed and thanked God for her 85 years. I offered thanks for my recent work opportunities and for the people in my  life, like Gina Watkins of Constant Contact.  She had invited me to be her guest at a wonderful gala put on by SCORE, Service Core of Retired Executives.

The more I thanked, the more I remembered to be thankful for.

I decided to read some spiritual text but realized that I couldn’t find my glasses.  I can see pretty well, but some things are blurry, like text in a book or  the numbers on a phone.  Then I realized something else to be thankful for, my sight.  I looked at all the books I’d recently purchased at the Borders ‘Going Out of Business’ sale and realized that without sight, I couldn’t access this new oasis of knowledge.  After each blurry encounter while looking for my glasses, I was powerfully reminded of how important sight is.  I thought about how my day would go if I didn’t find my glasses.  It would be very different from the relaxed one I had planned.  Life presents us lessons all the time and by different methods.  My glasses just happened to be the medium of my lesson this morning.  So instead of being frustrated about not finding my glasses, I decided to just appreciate the sight I had and to be grateful for all the other senses I had. Why is it that we have to lose something before we really appreciate it?  So, think about what lesson life is presenting you today and appreciate the medium that gives you the opportunity to grow!

I’m Barbara Talley, the poet who speaks and inspires.  To find out more about me check out: What Does Barbara Do? or visit  my website.